Two different stories each reflect the deep courage that comes with being true to one’s own identity, regardless of social pressures to blend in and not alienate potential friends and allies by coming out. From a college swimmer who came out to his team to a country singer in Nashville who defended attacks from a close friend, two very different young men discuss their courageous efforts to live proudly and affirmatively.

Gay Rights

Coming Out to the Team

In early January, Villanova college student and swim team member Ryan Murtha had a big announcement for his teammates. He was finally ready to talk openly about a truth that he had known for many years but had not been able to discuss until then – his gay identity. He told himself many times that he would simply have to keep his gender preference secret for life rather than discuss what he was sure would be difficult for others to accept.

Ryan’s life began to change when he met another man who helped him grow toward open acceptance of his sexual preference. Around his family and friends, Ryan was closeted about his sexuality. But his new friend was openly gay around his own friends, which led Ryan to see being open as an acceptable life option. Hearing other friends’ stories of coming out and finding acceptance, Ryan began to consider new possibilities in his own life.

Knowing he wanted to tell his teammates in just the right way, he worked secretly on a speech for some time before the first team meeting of the year. He stood up and made his statement, telling the other men on the team that he is attracted to men, that he has known this for some time but was only beginning to talk about it openly and accept that part of himself. He concluded his announcement by saying, “If you have any questions, or if you want to talk to me about it, feel free.”

At first a silence followed the end of his statement, as some in the room looked down and others just stared at him. Like a Hollywood movie moment, first one, then another started clapping, until the entire room was full of applause and shouts of approval. Ryan knew that his decision was the right one.

Gay and Country

A gay country music singer was cautioned by a friend and ally of the LGBT community to be careful to avoid “alienating” the heterosexual audience by defining his music as coming from a gay individual.

Recalling his years as an LGBT youth in a straight-oriented world, the singer had to mentally transpose all the stories of romantic love and relationships that he saw in movies, TV shows and books into an image that aligned more closely with his worldview. It was not until he sat in a mainstream movie theater just about a decade ago watching Brokeback Mountain that he was able to enjoy a movie romance that bore some resemblance to the real experiences of his life.

Victim Mentality

When the singer’s friend pointed out that there are no “straight pride” parades and accused him of living with a victim mentality by discussing his LGBT identity alongside his art, it was difficult to respond. As he considered the absurdity of the statement, he pondered that his friend had not had to endure a lifetime of abuse and hurt, coming from:

• Taunts and cruel names
• Religious guilt and efforts to “fix” the desire
• Confusion over an identity that stood out from what culture defined as good
• Intolerance built into laws and policies of the culture

Because the straight culture is the dominant one, heterosexual individuals within it have not had to overcome repression in the laws and culture, inequality and discrimination, intolerance and hatred aimed at the heart of who a person is on an emotional level.

The singer’s efforts to educate his friend about being a gay individual confident in his identity may not have been an absolute success, but they helped him to further refine what it means to be proud of his true self.