In recent years, the new trend in weddings is for same-sex and heterosexual couples alike to have guests give charitable donations instead of providing the couple with traditional wedding gifts. Experts believe this is due to changing demographics. Because more couples are living together before marriage, they often already have the items that are traditionally given as wedding gifts. Of course, it is still important to follow proper wedding etiquette.

How to Ask for Donations

The simple answer to your question is not to ask for them at all. It is in poor taste to assume you will be receiving a wedding gift, so asking for something specific is frowned upon. You do have a couple of options, however. First, you can sign up for a registry on the I Do Foundation, a website designed specifically to give your guests choices when it comes to donating in your name. If you prefer not to create a registry, you will probably still receive some cash gifts, which you can donate to the charity of your choice. If you have close family and friends who you talk to regularly, you can express your wish to give donations in lieu of gifts, which they will likely spread via word of mouth.

Be careful when writing thank-you cards after your wedding. If your guests donated to a specific charity in your name, you are welcome to mention that. However, if they gave you a cash gift, do not mention how you spent the gift. Some guests will find it in poor taste to donate, especially if they do not believe in the organization you decided to donate to.

Charities That Could Benefit From Your Donations

There are hundreds of charities and organizations around the world for you to add to your I Do Foundation registry should you choose to create one. Many registrants choose the same five organizations.

• Doctors Without Borders
• American Cancer Society
• Heifer International
• Habitat for Humanity
• Save the Children

However, many same-sex may couples wish to donate to an LGBTQ-specific organization. Start by looking into local charities or inclusive churches if you’d like to be sure your money or that of your guests stays local. If you do not find something local, consider some of the top organizations in the country.

The Human Rights Campaign Foundation is a well-known organization with a goal to ensure safety and equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people in their communities and throughout the country. The L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center is also very popular and provides a wide range of services to youth, adults and families in the Los Angeles area. These services include medical, employment, housing and even legal aid when necessary. You may also consider the Point Foundation, the Gay & Lesbian Leadership Institution or the Astraea Lesbian Foundation for Justice.

Many young LGBTQ-identifying people struggle with depression, anxiety and even suicidal thoughts, whether it is because they are bullied by family or peers, or because they simply are afraid to come out. Thankfully there are several organizations that assist in situations such as this. The Trevor Project aims to provide suicide prevention and crisis intervention services for LGBTQ youth, and although Project Semicolon does not cater specifically to gay youth, the organization does have the goal of preventing suicide and helping people who struggle with mental illness, addiction and other serious problems that affect gay youth.

Regardless of which organization or organizations you choose to donate to, doing so is the perfect way to give back to the organizations and social issues you believe in, while hopefully preventing you from receiving gifts you cannot use in the process. You can then further the tradition by donating an amount you can afford each year on your anniversary.

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