You’ve gotten engaged, and now you have a wedding to plan. You iron out the necessary tasks to pull your event together. Venue? Check. Vendors? You have several in mind. Yet you freeze at one item on your list: the wedding party. You’re short on friends you can ask to stand with you as attendants. What do you do? Read on for some helpful solutions to this surprisingly common problem.
Start With Supportive Family and Associates
As an LGBTQ couple, you’re used to thinking outside the box. After all, queer and transgender people have retooled or recreated traditions originally for heterosexual cisgender people. An October 2017 Glamour article discusses bridesmen and groomswomen. Yet you may have already been thinking about that but still come up short on suggestions.
Now could be the time to broaden your horizons. For starters, Wedding Wire’s Lauren Rodrigue suggests changing how you define “friends.” Family members can fit the definition if they’re your closest associates. Your supportive siblings, cousins, or relatives will likely be happy to step up and help. Speaking of which, Refinery 29 writer Kassandra Brabaw shares some helpful information about gender-neutral terms for “aunt,” “uncle,” and other relations.
Also, don’t discount other relationships. You may have a coworker or two whom you’d trust to be in your wedding party. There could be someone at your yoga sessions or a classmate with whom you’ve shared bits of your life. Don’t forget about fellow bloggers, gamers, or online friends who live close to you. Once you expand your ideas about friendship, you could discover many people you’ve overlooked.
Reconnect With Old Friends
Relationships shift and change. Chances are, you have a few individuals with whom you were close but have fallen out of contact. Now may be the perfect opportunity to get in touch with these friends, as Rodrigue points out in her article. Keep in mind that it’s not only for the sake of asking them to be in your wedding party. It’s worth carving out some time to contact them, sharing the excitement and details of your upcoming nuptials. Use this occasion to reconnect with them, too. Get up to speed with what’s going on in their lives, and you may be pleasantly surprised.
At the same time, you have other potential prospects if you’ve recently participated in someone else’s wedding. If you had a pleasant experience as an attendant, Rodrigue suggests asking the other person to be in your wedding party. Don’t think of this as quid pro quo. Instead, regard it as an opportunity. This individual shared a special milestone with you, so it’s natural to want to do the same in turn.
Sensible Guidelines and Other Alternatives
As you’re considering potential members of your wedding party, don’t forget to follow some smart recommendations. The Huffington Post reminds readers to avoid asking people who could struggle with participation. That includes anyone who’s pregnant, facing a major career-related project, sitting for exams, experiencing financial difficulties, or living long distances away. Don’t forget that you can always forgo having a wedding party, as New York Times writer Lauren Sloss explains. Skipping the attendants is a wise move if you want to steer clear of stressing anyone out or you want more of a relaxed party vibe on your big day.
While some couples stress over whom to include in their weddings, you may lack people to ask in the first place. Fortunately, you have plenty of alternatives to consider. Broadening your definition of friendship is key. You can also look to old friends or individuals in whose weddings you participated. Barring that, you could skip the wedding party altogether. Whatever you decide, make sure you and your partner are on board and happy with your choices.