Whether in marriage or a long-term committed relationship, partners can provide valuable support to each other. While such ongoing support is vital to one’s everyday well-being, it’s especially critical when one is dealing with a crisis. With eating disorders, that essential support aids with treatment and the recovery process. Armed with information, you can help your partner heal and perhaps strengthen your relationship.

Understanding the Risk Factors

LGBTQ individuals may face a higher risk of developing eating disorders than the rest of the population. Two reports from the National Eating Disorders Association reveal some disturbing statistics:

• An estimated 42% of gay men have eating disorders.
• Queer women were twice as likely to report binge eating at least once per month.
• Transgender young adults are four times more likely to be diagnosed with anorexia or bulimia.

The NEDA briefly discusses potential contributing factors, including fear of rejection, bullying, violence, and discrimination. Poverty is also significant, with the National LGBTQ Task Force reporting that one in four queer and transgender individuals contend with food insecurity. Everyday Feminism contributor Hanna Brooks Olsen mentions how poverty and eating disorders intersect, particularly with excessively strict eating patterns and no access to affordable care.

Gender dysphoria and unrealistic beauty standards can worsen the problem. Transgender people may attempt to restrict caloric intake to fit thinness-focused gendered or androgynous body images or diminish dysphoric aspects such as menstruation. For queer men, the pressure to attain thin or muscular bodies pervades the culture around them.

Helping Requires a Delicate Approach

The NEDA offers a helpful list of early signs that can include excessive exercise, an extreme desire to control food intake, or disappearing to the bathroom after meals. If you see traits like these, you need a supportive and circumspect approach to help your partner. One positive step you can take, as Bustle writer Gina M. Florio suggests, is contacting resources and professionals in your area. Depending on the state of mind, your partner could be unable to reach out for help. In those cases, you may need to bring a support system to your mate. Being surrounded by understanding allies and friends with similar struggles could provide the necessary encouragement to seek treatment.

At the same time, choosing queer and transgender affirming professionals is also key. The NEDA’s treatment providers map is a good place to start. Meanwhile, VeryWell Mind points out that transgender individuals will likely need access to gender-affirming therapies during and after treatment to help ease dysphoria.

The support you provide at home is indispensable. Everyday Feminism’s Kaila Prins stresses the need to change your language when it comes to food, fitness, or body image. If you’re obsessing over cutting carbs or not skipping leg day, that’s not going to help your mate. Instead, be sensitive to these issues and channel your energies into activities you can enjoy together. Don’t police your loved one’s food intake, as this may trigger shame, guilt, and even resentment. Also, steer your compliments away from body-focused language and offer other kinds of affirmations. Keep in mind that this journey will bring rough spots: bad days, relapses, and even difficulty with expressing sexuality. Finally, Florio emphasizes in her Bustle piece that it’s vital to create judgment-free spaces where your significant other can speak and be listened to.

Support and Allyship Are Crucial

Statistics about eating disorders tell part of the story. Yet they also hit home when a friend or loved one faces these challenges. You may suddenly discover that your partner’s struggling, or you could notice key details over time. Either way, you can help your mate by aiding in forming a solid support system, facilitating access to treatment and resources, and creating a positive affirming home environment.