Getting engaged might be an obvious choice when you love your partner but knowing how to plan a wedding can often prove far more difficult. Same-sex couples often grapple with the fact that many existing wedding traditions are broken down by gender. For example, it can seem silly to refer to your shower as a bridal shower when there are only grooms in the equation. To make the process less complicated, check out these traditions that same-sex couples can feel comfortable deleting from their itineraries. 

Who Proposes?

You may face the question of who is supposed to propose before you’ve made the decision to get married. In heteronormative customs, it was commonplace for the man to pop the question when he felt the time was right. However, straight couples don’t always follow this custom in modern times, and same-sex partners can go about the proposal in whatever manner makes the most sense. It might be more practical to sit down and have a chat about the matter in advance instead of the moment being a surprise.

What Labels Are Used for Wedding Party Members?

Bridesmaids and groomsmen are labels that only work when both a bride and groom are present. If two women are tying the knot and there are men in the wedding party, calling them groomsmen can feel both strange and incorrect. Get creative with the labels and mix things up by calling them groomsmaids and bridesmen, or get rid of the labels altogether and just refer to each person by name. There’s no need to feel like you should adhere to any label or title that doesn’t fit your vibe. 

Who Walks Down the Aisle With the Couple?

In heterosexual relationships, it is common for the father of the bride to walk her down the aisle and “give her away” to the groom at the start of the wedding ceremony. Instead of doing this, there are a number of alternatives to consider. Walking with a different relative, like your mom, grandparent, or a sibling, can be just as meaningful. Some couples might even decide to walk down the aisle together, symbolizing that they are always on equal ground with the other. 

How Should the Bouquet and Garter Tosses Be Handled?

The bouquet toss and the garter toss are two traditions that are not as common as they once were. Still, you might want to include some aspect of this activity as a way of keeping your guests engaged. Instead of asking only the women to come to the floor for the bouquet toss, consider bringing everyone. The easiest way to break down the walls of antiquated gender roles is by including everyone on the games that were once only meant for half the crowd.

What to Wear?

There are no rules stating that a bride must wear a white dress on her wedding day. Similarly, a groom has no need of a tux if he’d prefer something else. Since this is your wedding day, you and your partner can wear whatever you please. Look at examples of couples who have broken with tradition on this front. With a little research, you’re sure to feel inspired on what will fit best on your big day. 

Who Pays for the Event?

In the past, different payment responsibilities often fell on different members of the couple’s families. The bride’s parents would traditionally pay for the reception, while the groom’s parents would cover the rehearsal costs. As with the other customs listed, you can break the mold and do whatever fits best. 

Same-sex couples should not feel as if they need to follow any wedding traditions that don’t make sense. Review alternatives and create an event that perfectly reflects your relationship.