Many married couples, queer and straight, exchange vows that pledge loyalty and unity “for better or worse” and “in sickness and in health.” Life comes with its own share of twists and turns that can present challenges to a marriage, particularly mental health issues such as depression. While this low mood or aversion to activity can be a problem for anyone, it’s not uncommon for those in LGBTQ+ couples to find themselves dealing with this mental state. When your partner is depressed, you don’t have to feel helpless. Here are some things you should know about showing support.

Recognizing the Signs of a Depressed Partner

You might think that a depressed person is always in a low mood, but the reality is that your spouse can have very good days. Depression isn’t continuous for many people, so it’s important to look for some common signs:

• Loss of interest in activities, particularly things that inspire passion and enjoyment
• Sadness, anxiety, pessimism, anger
• Variations in appetite, including weight loss or gain
• Sleeping too little or too much
• Tiredness and fatigue
• Inability to concentrate
• Suicidal ideation

Depression signs move in and out like waves. They can also change and evolve. Recognizing the symptoms and learning more about them helps your spouse and you.

Showing Up

It’s unreasonable to think that you can fix the problem. You may be clear minded enough to think of a plan for addressing the issue, but being present for your partner is often the best way to show support. Offering a listening ear or a supportive hand are things that help your loved one. Everyone has different needs and responds differently to support. Be intentional about encouraging your partner with words of affirmation, offers of help and reminding him, her or they that you will get through this together.

Seeking Professional Help

As a spouse, you should also encourage seeking treatment. Sometimes we can’t see our own problems as well as those who are nearest to us can. Your partner may not even recognize that something’s going on. Depression does not generally go away on its own. You can begin the treatment conversation by sharing your concerns, observations you’ve made, things that you’ve learned about depression and options for getting help from an experienced professional.

Setting a “Mood” For Your Depressed Partner

Another way to help your partner is by working to create a supportive environment at home. When a person is depressed, there may be a lack of awareness of negative changes in lifestyle and habits. Consider the following ways to set a supportive mood:

• Setting up a schedule to establish routines that can offer a sense of control
• Adopting healthier habits, such as eating better and exercising regularly
• Providing positive reinforcement, especially when your spouse is being hard on themselves
• Facilitating your partner getting help, which can include driving them to treatment

Again, you can’t fix anyone’s mental health, but you can take active steps to make your home life more reassuring.

Appreciating the Little Things

When it comes to achieving goals, slow and steady is the name of the game. This is certainly true for depression. Even the smallest tasks can feel insurmountable to someone dealing with mental health issues. Helping your partner break down tasks and routines into smaller, more easily digestible pieces also helps. It might sound strange, but congratulating him, her or them for completing the smallest accomplishments can be quite helpful.

Life brings its share of sunshine and rain to be experienced, regardless of your sexual orientation or gender identity. When you’re committed to someone else in marriage, individual struggles become collective issues, and depression is no exception. This mental health condition can’t be solved with bed rest and chicken soup. While you can’t fix it, there are ways that you can support your spouse, helping “worse” days turn into “better” ones.