Weddings are often shaped by tradition. Yet many factors can influence how couples change those traditions or abandon them entirely. The proposal is a critical moment that helps determine a couple’s future. It’s certainly not going the way of the dinosaurs — in fact, double proposals are quickly becoming a thing. So how do double proposals work, and how can you make one work with you and your partner? Keep reading to learn more about a unique trend that’s likely here to stay.

How Double Proposals Work

Customarily with straight couples, men have done the proposing. But what about relationships with two women, two men, or nonbinary people? Who’s supposed to pop the question? It’s easy to see how strictly following tradition can be problematic for LGBTQIA+ couples. And that’s where the double proposal comes in.

The idea of a double proposal, or a “propose back,” is pretty simple: Both halves of a couple pop the question to each other. Their proposals can take place on the same day or on different days, but the basic concept stays the same.

Why Double Proposals Are Becoming Popular

Double proposals have been gaining ground in the last few years. Wedding Wire’s Lindsay Tigar points out that most modern relationships do not have one person as the head or leader. Equal partnership is the prevailing idea regardless of who brings in more income, pays the bills, and so forth. Equally Wed’s Kaila Strickland chimes in, adding that proposals have “absolutely nothing to do with gender,” appearance, or how any culture codes behavior and dress as masculine or feminine.

Glamour contributor Macie Lavoie adds that double proposals allow both partners to equally create meaningful moments and express their love. There’s no pressure on just one partner to completely create the magic. For LGBTQIA+ couples, double proposals are also excellent ways to retool a typically heteronormative tradition. Instead of trying to conform their weddings to long-standing societal and gender norms, couples can queer these traditions to celebrate who they are.

Planning Your Propose Back Moment

In her Wedding Wire piece, Tigar adds that there are no right or wrong ways to propose back. You can do so within moments of receiving the proposal. Or you can plan something a bit more elaborate. The key is to pop your question whenever it feels right to you. Tigar describes how she proposed back to her husband shortly after he’d proposed to her during a getaway in Denmark. If you do the latter, you can follow some helpful suggestions:

• Try writing your proposal down.
• Choose a ring or another piece of jewelry that your partner will love.
• Plan an outing or getaway to pop the question.

Besides helping you express your thoughts, writing out your proposal offers one major advantage. You can use verbiage in a card, a letter, a handmade book, or whatever best conveys your sentiments. As for setting up the big moment, you can get some inspiration from this May 2021 Brides article. If your beloved is more reserved and prefers privacy, an intimate evening at home or a weekend out-of-town trip may offer the perfect atmosphere to propose back.

Reshaping Tradition in Modern Times

When we think of marriage customs, it’s easy to think that they’ve always been around. We often forget that human beings created them — and as humans, we’re also free to change or dispense with them. The classic wedding proposal is just one example. Double proposals acknowledge that both halves of a couple have desires and romantic feelings, but it also reflects equal investment from both parties. Such reciprocity is one key to building a meaningful and lasting marriage.