When we think of a couple sleeping in separate rooms or beds, our minds go back to “I Love Lucy.” The iconic sitcom broke a lot of barriers for its time. Yet its producers had to take care to avoid running afoul of prevailing standards. Besides restrictions such as not using the word “pregnant” on-air, Lucy and Ricky Ricardo also did not share a bed. It’s often seen as an artifact from a more repressive time, but sleeping separately is making a comeback with modern couples. And believe it or not, it can offer some unique benefits.

Reasons Why Couples Sleep In Separate Rooms

Many couples opt to share a bed. But sometimes that may be impossible. If one partner snores louder than a tornado, the other could lose sleep. Wedding Wire contributor Jenn Sinrich mentions other common problems that couples experience. One partner who tosses and turns during the night disturbs the other who happens to be a light sleeper. Or your spouse prefers to wind down with pre-bedtime reading, but you need complete darkness to fall asleep.

While personal habits can impact each partner’s sleep, other problems may be environmental in nature. Room temperature preferences can differ: If one needs a warm room while the other requires cooler temperatures, one of them won’t sleep very well at night. And in some cases, compromise may be impossible. Factors like these are why one out of every four couples now sleeps in different beds or rooms.

The pandemic has also changed many things about our lives, including work arrangements and sleep. Gay Star News’ David Hudson points out that partners with different schedules may clash when it comes to bedtime. If you’re on the graveyard shift but your spouse works a traditional 9-to-5, you may end up inadvertently disturbing the other when you come home. And it doesn’t matter whether you telecommute or not. Night owls with much later bedtimes can disturb their early bird partners, and vice versa.

Sleep Quality and Your Relationship

Behavioral scientist Wendy Troxel explains that sleep comfort and quality can impact a romantic relationship. Sharing a bed has been the ideal for decades. For some couples, it provides an opportunity for shared space and connection. But when a partner’s needs or preferences negatively impact the other, it’s a less-than-ideal situation.

Lack of sleep causes other problems, as the Cleveland Clinic reveals. People may experience impaired memory and cognition, irritability, depression, and higher stress levels. It can even lead to relationship stress, increasing the likelihood of conflicts with one’s spouse. And unsurprisingly, sleep deprivation impacts physical intimacy.

How To Talk About Sleeping In Separate Rooms

Working toward an ideal sleep solution starts with an honest, open conversation. Both of you must express your needs, taking an empathetic and non-combative manner. Any solution must take both of your needs into account and balance meeting them as equitably as possible. Keep in mind that there are many potential solutions. Perhaps you’d rather share the same bedroom but sleep in separate beds. Maybe you only sleep apart during certain parts of the week, when your work schedules necessitate it.

If you elect to sleep apart, you can maintain the same closeness and connection. In an interview with Vox’s Sean Illing, Troxel maps out how this can work. The key is learning to see physical connection as a separate thing from sleeping. You can address this in any fashion you like, but you must deliberately act to continue cuddling and other kinds of intimacy.

A Collaborative Effort for Sleeping Solutions

Broaching the idea of sleeping apart may be difficult. That’s because most of us are conditioned to think that it’s a bad thing. Yet with a well-designed approach, both partners can experience benefits. When you both try a workable solution, you can enjoy better sleep — and perhaps a better relationship.