If you haven’t heard of Sweet Cakes by Melissa by now, you probably don’t spend much time on the internet. The owners of the bakery, Melissa and Aaron Klein, refused service to a same-sex couple who wanted a wedding cake in January 2013. Since then, the case has been in and out of courts, and it isn’t an isolated incident. Unfortunately, not everyone is accepting of same-sex marriage, but you can prevent a mess such as the above by finding gay-friendly wedding vendors from the very start.

Ask Your Friends and Family

If you have friends or family members who have had a same-sex wedding, ask them who they used for their vendors. Chances are they have already gone through the process of vetting people and know which ones were willing to provide the best service possible and which ones simply weren’t interested in working with a same-sex couple. When getting information via word of mouth, ask whether the vendors were truly professional and friendly or whether they seemed to want to be somewhere else—this will keep you from hiring someone who will not be fun to work with. Consider which types of vendors you need to ask about in the process.

• Officiants
• Caterers
• Wedding planners
• Photographers and videographers
• Bakers
• Bands and DJs

Do Research on the Internet

If you don’t have any friends or family members who have had a same-sex wedding, the internet is a great place to begin your search for gay-friendly wedding vendors. Some same-sex marriage websites have entire lists of them, but if you can’t find what you’re looking for there, simply search for wedding vendors in your area and begin looking through their reviews. Not only will it give you a good idea of the vendor’s overall business quality, but also may lead you to specific information regarding how he or she treats same-sex couples.

Get Active in the Community

How active are you in online gay communities such as website forums. Are you active in your local gay community? By becoming friendlier with other members of the community or simply going to gay events in your area, you are likely to end up networking with people who either are gay wedding vendors or know some who would be perfect for meeting the needs of your wedding ceremony and reception. This can make finding gay-friendly wedding vendors a breeze.

Ask Direct Questions

Maybe you’ve found a wedding vendor who offers exactly what you want, but you don’t know if the company works with same-sex couples. It may seem a bit overwhelming, but the easiest way to find out is to ask. Simply ask if the vendor is uncomfortable working with two brides or two grooms. If he or she is uncomfortable, simply find someone who is willing to work with you. It will save you a lot of time and stress.

Look for Context Clues

If you aren’t comfortable asking your potential vendor if he or she is willing to work with a same-sex couple outright, you can look for context clues. Read the vendor’s website and any brochures or communication you have available to see if the wording is all geared to heterosexual couples. A vendor who is willing to work with any couple dynamic often uses neutral pronouns and wording to indicate such. Of course, this isn’t a telltale sign. If could be that the vendor hasn’t considered changing wording to be more inclusive, as doing so is still something relatively new to many businesses.

By following some of these tips, you will have an easier time of finding wedding vendors who are willing to work with a same-sex couple. Should you find someone you feel is discriminating against you, it may be tempting to fight it in court, but consider your options carefully before doing so. Court battles are long and drawn out, so you may find yourself too focused on the stressful situation to truly enjoy planning and hosting your wedding and reception.