For many LGBTQ+ couples, the road to marriage was long and difficult. The legalization of same-sex unions seemed like a distant fantasy, and the reality of it was a dream come true. LGBTQ+ marriages are now considered equal under the law, entitling gay, queer, and trans partners to the same benefits and protections as those in heterosexual marriages. However, life happens to straight and LGBTQ+ people alike and, as with some straight couples, LGBTQ+ couples divorce when the relationship spoils. Here are some things you should know.

Doing What’s Best for You

Same-sex couples may feel extra pressure to stay in unhappy marriages. After all, the right to marry wasn’t always there, and admitting defeat may seem like a slap in the face to the people who fought for that right. The reality is that you’re not obligated to remain in an unhealthy and unhappy situation. LGBTQ+ persons can consent to marry, and they can also consent to divorce. You don’t have to prove anything to yourself or others by staying married.

Dealing With Your Village

Failing marriages often foster feelings of shame and embarrassment. You may feel like avoiding or hiding from loved ones and others in your social circles. However, an impending divorce is not the time to isolate yourself from those who love and support you. Even if there are people who weren’t supportive of you marrying in the first place, you may find that some of these people care about your feelings and well-being now. There’s an adage that suggests you discover who really cares when you’re going through difficult times. Don’t withdraw from your village.

Confronting Feelings of Failure

While your marriage may be ending, you are not a failure. You’re not some wretch who is undeserving of love, affection, and happiness. Marriages end for various reasons, and people change over the years. Many factors can lead to a divorce, including external factors that are out of your control. Remember to be kind to yourself and even your spouse, especially when thinking about what led to your separation.

Talking to a Therapist or Counselor

Whether you think your union can be saved or not, it’s never a bad idea to seek professional help. When you’re facing a major life change such as a divorce, you can find yourself depressed, anxious, and overwhelmed, especially by internal and external criticism. A therapist or counselor can help you filter the noise, process feelings, and make sense of things. A professional, unbiased, third-party observation can also provide valuable insights that can serve you, whether you marry again or not. 

Consulting a Lawyer

Marriages and divorces are both legal processes. Ending your marriage not only impacts your daily routines but your family and finances as well. It may be counterintuitive to involve an attorney, especially if you and your soon-to-be-ex are on one accord about the impending split. You want to have a legal expert in your corner, guiding you through the process while representing your best interests. Division of assets and custody of children are two issues that can become quite contentious. You should consult a lawyer who is experienced with divorces, including when LGBTQ+ couples divorce, and fully understands how local laws relate to your situation. 

Married couples of every stripe reach a point where divorce is likely, if not certain. LGBTQ+ partners are not immune from things that lead to divorce, whether it’s infidelity, money problems, or falling out of love. Deciding to call it quits is a major step that calls for careful consideration, guidance from professionals, support from real friends and family where available, and kindness to yourself.