With many nations around the world legalizing same-sex wedded unions within the last decade, their societies’ definitions of marriages are also shifting. While the concept of polyamorous or “open” relationships is not new, the advent of marriage equality in the United States adds a new dimension to this entire issue. More couples, including those in same-sex marriages, are exploring the concept of ethical non-monogamy as well as seeking relationship styles that best fit the needs of all involved.

A Brief History of Monogamy and Marriage 

LiveScience’s Tia Ghose discussed the history of marriage in a 2013 article. Among other things, it has been used throughout human societies to cement alliances, obtain wealth and keep inheritances within families. It wasn’t until the Middle Ages that monogamy became the default, however. In her 2006 book “Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage,” author Stephanie Coontz revealed that the Catholic Church largely influenced this development in the West. The Church pressured male nobility to limit themselves to only one wife. Even throughout 19^th century, mutual fidelity wasn’t a universal concept. Men were given greater social latitude to carry on extramarital relationships.

Queer Non-Monogamy Prior to Marriage Equality

Queer people have formed romantic bonds with each other for a long time. It’s only within the last decade or two that the idea of marriage has been employed as a conceptual framework. Before domestic partnerships and civil unions even existed, it was common for long-term same-sex pairings to last many years. Without any vehicles for official recognition, these individuals made lives together. Some of these couples, especially male-male pairings, embraced open relationships.

Same-Sex Marriage: A Gateway to Assimilation?

After the Obergefell v. Hodges Supreme Court decision in 2015, some thinkers question whether continued struggles to remove barriers to institutions like these are rooted in resisting oppression or in conformity to heteronormative standards. Gender studies scholar David Halperin contends that “Gay people, in their determination to integrate themselves into the larger society, and to demonstrate their essential normality, are rushing to embrace heterosexual forms of life” in a 2015 Harvard University Press blog post.

Meanwhile, some LGBTQ individuals are facing heavy criticism from other queer people over their decisions to have non-monogamous relationships. OUT Magazine’s Zachary Zane shared his own observations and experiences in a 2016 op-ed piece. He also expressed the idea that a connection may exist between negative anti-polyamory attitudes and a desire to assimilate into mainstream culture. He adds that these may be indicative of a “larger ideology that’s riddled with entitlement and privilege.”

One Size Does Not Fit All

As heated debates rage about non-monogamy among queer men, there are fewer studies about how queer women handle the issue. However, a 2015 Autostraddle survey disclosed that 15 percent of queer female respondents preferred non-monogamous romantic styles. At the same time, some promote a balanced view. These suggest that each couple adopt an approach that works best for them. One example is author Michael Dale Kimmel, who offers advice for wedded pairs in his 2017 book “The Gay Man’s Guide to Open and Monogamous Marriage.” As he told Huffington Post contributor Mark O’Connell, he wrote the book because of the lack of practical advice for queer male married couples.

Under a diverse array of social conditions, people have continually found ways to bond with each other. Both queer identity and marrying for love may be relatively newer concepts. Non-monogamy has taken many forms throughout human history and same-sex desire has always existed in some form. As both individuals and couples navigate the issue of exclusiveness versus non-monogamy in their approaches to relationships, this also opens the door to larger discussions about queer culture and same-sex marriages.