With same-sex marriages now legal throughout the United States, more queer couples are publicly tying the knot with ceremonies. Naturally, thoughts turn to other traditions associated with a wedding, including receptions, rehearsal dinners and engagements. You’ve found love in a wonderful place, and you can’t imagine the rest of your life without that special someone. Perhaps you or your partner are ready to put a ring on it. Here are some considerations to think about for same-sex couples’ engagement.

Embracing the Freedom

If there’s one thing that many queer people understand, it’s that you don’t have to follow the rules established by tradition. Many Western wedding customs are centered around the idea of a bride and groom. Some of those customs, such as asking a woman’s father for her hand in marriage, are passé and may seem out of place, if not ridiculous, for a queer union. Nevertheless, you’ve grown up in a society where many of these traditions are held up as ideals, and if you want to modify any for your big day, that’s perfectly fine. Fall in love with the reality that these are your and your partner’s nuptials and whatever you say goes.

Funding Your Ceremony

One ancient tradition for marriages involved the bride’s family paying for everything. This likely stemmed from the idea of a dowry, a payment of money, property or other goods from the bride’s family to that of the groom at the time of marriage. This custom is already becoming old-fashioned for many straight couples. When there are two brides, two grooms or non-binary partners, the idea of one family paying for everything based on a gender role doesn’t hold up. When it comes to funding your big day, do whatever works best for you, your partner and your families.

Ringing in a New Chapter

When it comes to engagement, the ring is the thing. Often the engagement period is kicked off when one proposes to another with a ring. In a queer relationship, who proposes to whom? The good news is that there are no rules about how gay couples should propose. If you’d like to take the lead, go ahead and pop the question when you’re ready. If your partner wants to do to the honors, that’s fine also. While queer couples can propose in a way similar to straight couples, this is also another chance for you to write your love story in a different way.

Some same-sex couples may consider a joint proposal for the engagement, where each person buys a ring for the other. These could be matching engagement rings made from materials besides diamond and gold. You can go with birthstones or different metals for the ring. Jewelry made of wood and stone are also en vogue, especially as alternatives to the usual. Whatever you decide to do, feel free to throw out tradition and choose something that is meaningful to both of you.

Partying Before the Wedding

A bachelor or bachelorette party is another custom associated with weddings. Traditionally a bride or groom’s loved ones will throw a celebration prior to the ceremony. Some will go on a short trip or weekend getaway to somewhere fun like Miami or Las Vegas, while others may have a spa day or poker night with their best buds. Generally, these gatherings don’t include the partner. Many same-sex couples tend to share friends and family, so the idea of separate bachelor or bachelorette parties might be outdated. You could combine this celebration with an engagement party or wedding shower. There are no rules but the ones you choose.

When you know you’ve found your partner in life and you’re ready to commit with an engagement, it’s a wonderful feeling. This is especially true for queer couples who can now legally marry. The engagement period is what you and your partner make of it, whether you adapt old customs or come up with new ones.