Though far from preferred, routine arguments are a normal part of most relationships. The longer you have been around another person, the more likely it is you’ll start to feel frustrated by their decisions and actions. Frequent arguments with a partner over pointless matters can add a lot of tension to a relationship and start to chip away at its foundation. While fighting can be healthy in small doses, you also want to try and minimize how often you do so. One way to achieve this is by learning how to be more flexible in a relationship. 

Why Flexibility Matters

A healthy relationship is one in which both parties contribute equally to making decisions. While this might seem obvious on the surface, it’s a lot more difficult to put into action than many realize. More often than not, one personality in a relationship is going to be more dominant than the other. The more decisive person might select everything from minor choices like what restaurant the couple eats at to more major decisions like picking out a house to live in. Whether intentional or not, one person making all the decisions can lead to a lot of resentment. 

What Is Flexibility? 

Most people have a general idea of what it means to be flexible. In order to work well with others in the business world, for example, compromise has to always be part of the equation. Still, some might struggle with this in romantic relationships. This is because a large aspect of flexibility is learning to let go. To truly compromise enough to allow your significant other to call the shots, you have to be comfortable with giving control away. It might sound simple, but plenty of people find this to be challenging.

It is important to keep in mind that you shouldn’t resign yourself to your partner’s whims all the time. Even if you’re used to making your own choices, flexibility isn’t about flipping the script. Instead, future choices should be made as a unit. A conversation where both opinions are voiced and factored into the final decision is far more healthy to a relationship than a heated argument with screaming and shouting. 

When To Be Flexible

Flexibility is a skill. Like any skill, you need to practice it in order to get comfortable with the response. A lot of trial and error will be involved in the process. While learning to compromise, you’ll start to understand more about when to be flexible and when to stand your ground. The less you push for your own way, the easier it will be to make a case for your point of view when you really want to be the one who makes a decision.  

What Flexibility Adjusts

Fights in a relationship can often spiral out of control. This is because the main purpose of the argument takes a back seat to “being right.”  When you’re only arguing because you want to win the fight, you are essentially putting your relationship through a lot of tension for little payoff. Flexibility adjusts the need to be right, replacing it instead with a reminder that a relationship is not one person versus another. You are a unit that must work as one, and you can only achieve this if you are able to table the concept of being the “winner” of an argument. 

How To Break the Cycle

Breaking habits can be difficult. The best way to break a cycle is to keep trying. You might find yourself struggling at first to relinquish control over decisions or assert yourself more in your relationship, but putting in the effort is the only way to see the results you want. 

Though fighting in a relationship might be normal, you can definitely benefit from actively working on reducing how often you argue. By learning how to be more flexible in your relationship you’ll see how such a simple mindset can do wonders for your marriage.