As transgender and non-binary persons become more visible in society, they become a larger part of our everyday conversations. In an effort to be respectful of everyone’s identities, it’s important that our language to and about trans and non-binary people should also be respectful. Language evolves in society and we should be mindful of the terms we use. The meaning of words can change as our understanding of the world expands. Similarly, new terms emerge to help develop our awareness of other viewpoints and experiences.

Misgendering

Labeling someone as a different gender from what he, she or they identify as is called misgendering. For trans and non-binary people, this is analogous to outing a person’s sexual orientation without permission. Using masculine terms to refer to a trans woman or feminine words for a trans man can be triggering. This is because you’re dismissing the person’s stated identity. Similarly, if a non-binary or agender person doesn’t identify as male or female, referring to them with masculine or feminine pronouns can be hurtful. While minding your manners, mind your use of words such as “sir” and “ma’am.” 

Personal Gender Pronouns

You may have heard someone ask for another person’s pronouns. Personal gender pronouns or PGPs are the set of pronouns that a person wants others to use to reflect identity. PGPs are usually either the subject and object forms (e.g., he/him, she/her, they/them) or the subject, object and possessive forms (e.g., he/him/his, she/her/hers, they/them/theirs). Cisgender people can introduce themselves with their PGPs and ask trans and non-binary people about their PGPs. Some people may identify with a particular masculine or feminine set of PGPs as well as the singular “they/them/theirs.” Caution should be taken because using personal pronouns may inadvertently reveal someone as trans. 

Deadname

You “deadname” a trans or non-binary person when you mention or address that person by the name used before transitioning. Referring to this deadname has the effect of being abusive to a person who uses a new name that reflects gender identity or expression. Calling the deadname a “real name” is one way that you can inadvertently offend someone who is non-binary or trans. This has the effect of invalidating identity or questioning one’s autonomy. If a person’s deadname must be provided or acknowledged in the course of doing business, consider using an initial only or another placeholder that is respectful.

Passing

The use of the word “passing” when referring to non-binary or trans people can be quite controversial. It’s important to acknowledge that not every trans person wants to “blend in” by having physical features that conform to certain expected norms. For example, one trans man may take hormones to grow facial hair and build muscles while another may only wear binders to compress breasts. Another person may opt for surgery. There is no one standard for presentation, and physical features are not the end-all be-all for a person’s identity. Some people do not prioritize the ability to pass.

New Words

Increased visibility of those who are trans or of diverse genders has led to the creation and usage of new terms to be mindful of:

• Enby: This word is formed from the pronunciation of “NB,” which stands for non-binary. This is an umbrella term for identities outside the binary of male and female.
• Neopronouns: Using PGPs has led to the development of new pronouns used for those who are genderfluid, genderqueer or enby.  Some examples of these neopronouns include xe/xem/xyrs, ze/zem/zers and ey/em/eirs, to name a few. 
• Mx: This is a gender-neutral title, pronounced “miks,” as opposed to Mr., Mrs., Miss or Ms. 

In an ever-changing world, it’s important to be kind and respectful to others. This extends to sexual orientations and gender identities. As one who may be asked to officiate the wedding of trans and enby people, do your best to be mindful of new terms as well as those that may be harmful.