Making a guest list for a wedding isn’t always straightforward. Budget considerations aside, family dynamics come into play. Sadly, many people still aren’t affirming of the LGBTQIA community, which can bring even more drama into a wedding. Making the difficult choice of whether to invite someone or not due to their politics or attitude toward your relationship is hard. There will be hurt feelings. Be ready to deal with family members who were left off the guest list if you’re not inviting non-affirming family.

Know It’s OK To Set Boundaries With Your Wedding

You may get pressure from your family to invite everyone because they’re related to you. However, you deserve a happy wedding without drama from people who aren’t affirming of your relationship. There are many who say that family trumps politics, but a wedding is about those who support your love together. You don’t need to feel bad for not inviting a non-affirming family member who doesn’t support your life. Get your partner or a best friend to remind you that it’s OK to celebrate without your family member.  

Think About What You Want Out of the Relationship

Not inviting a family member to a wedding sends a strong message. If you want to salvage this relationship, you have to decide whether you’re ready to send that message. Look at the long-term ramifications your decision will have before inviting or not inviting the person. If you don’t think the relationship is salvageable, make the hard decision to leave them out.   

How Will This Guest Impact Other Guests?

If you’d still like to invite this person to the wedding even though they aren’t affirming, consider how other guests may feel. You want to be surrounded by those who love you. Your other guests shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable because you had to invite a boorish family member. Don’t feel like you must invite someone because of family ties when you’re concerned about negative drama.

Remember Wedding Etiquette

Plus-one protocol dictates that when you invite a guest who is in a serious relationship, you should invite their partner. When it comes to family members, you may need to include partners you don’t like. If you plan on inviting your Aunt Mary, you need to invite her husband, even if he’s rude and inconsiderate.  

Be Prepared for Questions

If you’ve ever been left off a guest list, you know how it feels. Be mindful of other people’s feelings, even if the relationship is strained. You don’t have to explain all your reasons for not inviting a non-affirming family member, but you should say something. Make your response about your decision, not the other person’s behavior. One example is, “It was a hard decision, but I/we don’t feel comfortable celebrating our wedding with the person.” Be solid in your decision, but also be compassionate. You can be the bigger person.

Don’t Argue About Your Decision  

When you don’t invite someone in the family to the wedding, there may be drama from others. It’s OK to tell your family that you don’t want to debate the situation. Find a way to politely end the conversation before it gets nasty. Be prepared for push back. Hope that your affirming family members do understand.

Don’t Give In to Pressure

If other family members try to pressure you with threats or ultimatums, remain calm. Just say that you’ll be sorry they miss your wedding but you are firm with your decision. You can’t control how someone will respond. You should respect their decision just as you want them to respect your own choices.

You’ll have a great wedding day when you bring those who support your relationship together at your wedding.