Perhaps you have known your friend was gay for a long time, or maybe he just recently told you. No matter what, hopefully you still see him in the same way you did before. Even though you were most likely supportive of your friend, there are people who may not feel the same way. While homosexuality is much more accepted now than it was even 10 years ago, accepting it can still be a challenge for some people. This is particularly true for those who come from a religious family that does not support same-sex marriage. In order to make things easier, here are a couple ways you can support your gay friend.

Let Him Come Out

Maybe you have suspected your friend was gay for a while, but he hasn’t come out to you yet. Maybe you have noticed him looking at other guys when walking on the street or displaying other signs that may make it obvious to you. First of all, it’s important not to assume. Assuming can lead to misunderstandings, gossip, and hurt feelings. If your friend hasn’t confided in you that he is gay, then he may not be. At the same time, he very well may be and may just be worried about telling you. Even if you are the most supportive friend he has, it can be overwhelming and intimidating for a gay person to come out, especially if this is a secret he hasn’t told anyone before. If he decides to tell you, be supportive. Don’t say anything like “I knew it!” and make sure you inform him that you will be there for him no matter what.

Maybe you are on the flip side of things. Perhaps you had no idea your friend was gay and are shocked to hear the news. If this happens, try to hide your shock as much as possible. It’s fine if he sees you are a little surprised, but you need to be careful that he doesn’t mistake that surprise for disapproval or disappointment. Here are a few safe sentences if you find yourself struggling to come up with the right words:

• “I didn’t see that coming, but this doesn’t change anything between us.”
• “I wasn’t expecting that, but I will be there for you no matter what.”
• “Thank you for telling me, I know that might have been hard. This doesn’t change the way I think of you.”

While these responses may show that you didn’t expect to hear the news, it also shows that you are going to be supportive and have his back no matter what happens.

Be There for Him

He may need your support more now than ever before. If you were the first person he told, then that means he probably has a lot more people to tell. He might be feeling particularly anxious to tell his family. While you probably shouldn’t be there when it happens, offer to be there for him afterwards if things don’t go well. This may mean taking him out for coffee or out to a movie to get his mind off of it. Now would be a good time to remind him that you don’t care if he’s gay or straight, he is your friend and nothing will change that.

Don’t Tell Anyone

This is not your news to share, so it’s important not to tell anyone. Your friend may not be ready yet, so it would be unfair to share his news with other people. Keep it to yourself so your friend can trust you with his secret.

Being there for a gay friend really isn’t that hard. The most important thing is to show your support for your gay friend and stand up for him as needed. Hopefully, him revealing that he is gay won’t change anything about your relationship.