For many members of the LGBT community, relationships can be challenging for a number of reasons. Plenty of people who identify as queer have had difficult experiences related to hiding their identities, keeping feelings secret, and consistently adjusting how to interact with people in public in order to appear “straight.” The mental gymnastics involved can create a slew of internal issues. For some, developing emotional intimacy in a relationship may seem outright impossible. If you’re someone who struggles with this, review these suggestions on how to improve emotional intimacy in same-sex relationships.

Shake It Off

The past is in the past. Remind yourself of this from time to time, even though it can be very difficult to accept. No matter what trauma or struggles you have gone through, you cannot allow them to rule your every decision moving forward. When entering a relationship, it is your personal responsibility to shake off as much of the past as you can. While plenty of people bring baggage into relationships, doing so willingly can prevent you from truly connecting with your partner. 

Address your own trauma through therapy and other healing channels. Don’t look at your significant other as a source of your ability to feel whole again. When you put the responsibility of “helping” you squarely on the shoulders of your partner, it can add unnecessary strain to your relationship. 

Listen Without Judging 

More often than not, how a person feels is revealed through far more than his or her words. When someone is opening up to you, for example, you may assume you are silently listening and taking in the information being delivered. However, it may also be the case that your face is giving away how you truly feel or that you are interjecting with your thoughts on the matter more than requested. Few people want to feel like their partners are looking down on them or casting aspersions.

You may be conditioned to have specific reactions when you’re presented with certain news. If you were once in a long-term relationship where your partner lied a lot, you may harshly judge your current partner when he or she bends the truth in the slightest. The trick is catching yourself and understanding how your reactions are damaging your connection.

Indulge 

Have you ever been talking to a friend or family member about a topic that you care deeply about, only to realize the other person is completely uninterested? Now, think about all the times you’ve likely done this to your romantic partners over the years. One trick to maintaining healthy emotional intimacy is indulging each other’s passions. You may not be interested in sports in the slightest, but actively listening when your partner is talking about the topic can strengthen your ability to communicate in a healthy way.

Discuss the Elephant in the Room

Some problems with emotional intimacy are impossible to ignore. In many cases, emotional issues lead to physical hang-ups, which can also have a negative impact on the connection you share. Discussing your problems openly with each other and, if needed, a therapist, is absolutely necessary for a relationship to last far into the future. Ignoring such problems will only make them grow larger and more out of control. Eventually, the only option is to end the relationship in an unhealthy or explosive manner. 

Though developing emotional intimacy will look different for all couples. Addressing problems that come up in this area will always involve the same general approaches. Though the trauma you’ve lived through may have been intense, there is no reason to hold your current partner accountable. Handle your baggage, help your partner with his or her issues, and find a way to soldier on together.