Every family or social circle has a few nosy people. When a couple is getting engaged, these inquiring minds want to know everything. If you’re the lucky pair, you probably find yourself the target of all sorts of questions. Some are curious about the proposal, your attire, the date, or what type of cake you plan to have. Yet when the questions start getting more personal, you naturally experience discomfort. Not sure how to handle invasive queries? You may find answers from some helpful advice.

Questions About Your Wedding

When you announce the happy news, the most pressing item on everyone’s minds will likely be your wedding. The endless barrage of questions can feel exhausting, but Brides writer Allison Moir-Smith points out that their interest may come purely from excitement. Nevertheless, you’ll need a polite yet firm response. She recommends replying with a simple “we don’t know yet” for starters.

Should the questions keep coming, you can easily deflect. Emphasize your joy in the moment and the fact that you’re slowly figuring out how you want to commemorate the occasion. Moir-Smith advises several additional useful responses:

• “We’re looking at lots of options before we want to get specific.”
• “I love that we don’t have to make decisions immediately.”
• “I’d love to know your thoughts. What have you seen at a wedding that inspired you?”

Replies like these can help you deal with the questions and avoid sounding defensive. You can phrase them in your own words, but they provide a general idea of how to answer.

When They Don’t Know You’re LGBTQ

At the same time, you could be dealing with distant relatives or acquaintances. Some may not be aware that you were LGBTQ in the first place, much less invested in a long-term relationship. That, of course, potentially moves into “how to come out to your relatives” territory. You could find an unexpected ally in a distant uncle or confirm that your homophobic cousin may never come around. It’s up to you to decide how you want to handle this, and it depends on your level of contact with the person and the importance of his or her involvement in your lives.

Family Matters and Your Future

While most questions will focus on your wedding, some people will cut right to the chase and start asking about your family plans. Again, many of these aren’t always with malicious intent. Health.com’s Julia Naftulin remarks that they could be attempting to make small talk or hope that they’ll be a part of your plans. The Spruce’s Debby Mayne adds that it’s important to consider your relationship with the person asking before you respond.

Sometimes your best bet is to deflect. Smile and change the subject. Ask about their families or recent accomplishments. If the query comes from someone who isn’t as close to you, such as a coworker or acquaintance, there’s nothing wrong with refusing to answer. If you feel that your family planning decisions aren’t up for discussion, then they aren’t.

When the Questions Become Rude and Invasive

Whether some people realize it or not, their questions may be prying, invasive, and downright rude. In another piece for The Spruce, Debby Mayne emphasizes the need to set boundaries. The direct route can include responses like “Did you really just ask me that?” or “I prefer not to discuss that topic with people whom it doesn’t concern.”

When you get married, you’re bound to have many well-wishers. You’ll also contend with a lot of questions about your ceremony, attire, reception, and even your family plans. Understanding the motive behind the queries, setting your boundaries, and being prepared with potential responses are wise approaches. Whether you elect to use truthful answers, humorous comebacks, or expressions of disdain, you’ll have go-to answers that can help you resolve these situations.