The earliest days of meeting a new romantic partner are usually the most exciting. You spend this period learning everything you possibly can about the other. Conversations will range from superficial topics like how much money you both make to more complicated ideas like your thoughts on the afterlife or your political or philosophical opinions. Though it is easiest to get to know someone when you know nothing about them, you should be constantly striving to deepen the bond you share. Consider these suggestions to help improve your romantic connection.

Fail and Accept Failure

Bending the truth a bit is a normal tactic when starting a new relationship. While lying is never a good choice, you may find yourself exaggerating certain achievements or admitting to seeing films or reading books you’ve never even heard of in order to keep conversation going. Interestingly, research into relationships shows that most people are far more interested in hearing the truth about a potential partner. Your failures are just as interesting as your stories of victory. The trick is learning how to accept and share your personal shortcomings.

This doesn’t mean entering a new relationship by listing all of your faults and previous failings. Instead, learn to be more open and honest about the past. Did you put a lot of your money into a business venture that didn’t pan out? Maybe you moved across the country for a previous romantic partner who left you high and dry in a new city? Share the mistakes you’ve made early, and it becomes a lot easier to find a partner who accepts you for all you’ve been through, not just the high points. 

The Cause of Irritation

On a biological level, the human body produces ample amounts of the hormone oxytocin during the first year or so of a new romantic relationship. Known as the “love drug,” oxytocin is responsible for the sense of euphoria that comes along with meeting someone you connect with on a deeper level. Unfortunately, this eventually stops and it can cause you to feel irritation toward your partner about habits and personality traits that were endearing before. In a number of cases, these frustrations are what lead to the earliest fights in a relationship.

To improve your romantic connection, you need to move beyond the knee-jerk reaction of feeling irritated. It might bother you that your partner chews with their mouth open, but is this a topic worth exploding over? When you find yourself becoming annoyed, take a step back and ask yourself why you are having this reaction. You’ll probably find that your initial feelings about the quirk are overblown and that expressing your grievances directly can keep moods amiable and solve the problem in a healthier way. 

Control Your Criticisms

Being critical of a partner is a natural response. Many people feel that the behaviors of their significant others are a direct reflection on themselves. Unfortunately, criticizing your partner too much is an easy way to fight over pointless matters and damage a new relationship. Pick and choose when you decide to say something about a certain behavior. You’ll find your partner will be more open and responsive to your suggestions when you’re not constantly making such observations. You must also be critical of yourself now and again, as changing your perspective is easier than changing someone else. 

All relationships are unique. In order to create a deep connection, you must take your specific personalities into consideration. Still, exhibiting self-awareness and controlling your emotional reactions can make a world of difference. The more life throws at you, the easier it will be to learn the healthiest way to respond and build a lasting foundation for the future of your relationship.