Do you struggle with saying “no”? Maybe you have people-pleasing tendencies or you’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. Perhaps you worry that you’ll come across as rude or insensitive. Despite your misgivings, you can’t shy away from establishing your priorities when you’re planning a wedding. Sometimes you must deliver rejection and bad news, but you can tell people in respectful yet firm ways that make your intent clear.

Challenging Your Perceptions

The fear of being seen as rude can hamper people who have trouble saying “no.” However, your perception of your own demeanor can be quite different than how others see you. New York Times writer Kristin Wong cites a Columbia University study in which participants who believed themselves to be sufficiently or excessively assertive were perceived as under-assertive by others. In short, we’re probably not as confrontational as we think we are.

With all this in mind, the key to polite yet firm assertiveness is establishing and sticking to your boundaries. According to author Samantha Radocchia, knowing your boundaries in advance gives you a yardstick for making decisions. Having boundaries doesn’t mean you refuse every request, but you should take enough time to evaluate it, weigh the consequences, and listen to your instincts.

Turning Down Wedding Vendors

Saying “no” is important when you’re shopping for wedding vendors. After all, you need to choose one that best meets your budget, goals, and quality expectations. Most vendors conduct themselves professionally, so they won’t be offended or hurt if you don’t choose their services. With that said, you can still gracefully deliver the bad news. Wedding Wire’s Jenn Sinrich offers a few tips for letting prospective vendors down gently:

• Make your decision as soon as possible.
• Don’t allow yourself to feel uncomfortable about not choosing a vendor.
• Maintain a respectful tone in your communications.
• Thank vendors for their time and assistance.
• Briefly inform the vendor that you don’t need its services.
• Don’t over-explain your decision.
• If you genuinely liked a vendor, offer to refer others to them.

Fine-Tuning Your Wedding Party

Most couples choose their wedding party members early in the planning process. You may have a friend or family member who expected to make the cut, but you and your partner have other ideas in mind. How do you let this person down gently? Bridechilla’s Kealia Reynolds recommends honest sensitivity. You need to communicate with this individual, but choose your words carefully and try to deliver the bad news in person if possible. Meanwhile, you can find other ways to include this friend or family: He or she can deliver a reading, perform a song, or usher guests. Keep in mind that this individual may have hurt feelings, so be prepared to listen but feel free to call a time-out if the conversation becomes too tense.

Handling People Who Invite Themselves

When news of your wedding spreads, you may have people in your social circle who assume they’ll get an invitation. Meanwhile, your budget and venue’s occupancy limit require you to control your guest count. You must handle this situation delicately, so how can you gingerly tell these people the truth? Once again, Wedding Wire’s Jenn Sinrich comes to the rescue with helpful advice. People usually understand that weddings can be pricey, so you can refer to budget or space restrictions when you speak to them. An apologetic tone may be helpful as well. If you’re genuinely sorry you can’t include some individuals, your tone can let them know that there’s no malice involved.

Weddings often involve making tough choices, but you shouldn’t shy away from them. In following your priorities, you mustn’t hesitate to tell people “no.” With a diplomatic tone and wisely chosen language, you can communicate bad news and minimize emotional fallout.