If you are religious, then hearing that your son is gay may come as a bit of a shock. The news can be unsettling for people who don’t agree with same-sex marriage. You obviously still love your child, but you are unsure of how to handle the situation. Whether your son is a teenager or an adult, you may be struggling with how to respond. It can be difficult if your child has turned out differently than how you thought he would, but it’s important to handle this in the right way.

Love Him

Of course, the most important thing to remember is that you love your child. Your love is unconditional, so don’t forget about that in these tough moments. Your children have done things to disappoint you in the past, but that doesn’t mean you stopped loving them. Make sure you tell your son you love him still, and more importantly, make sure you show it.

He Isn’t Trying to Hurt You

Many parents make the wrong assumption that their children are saying that they are gay because the children are trying to hurt them, or get back at them for something. This simply isn’t the case. This is how your child feels and who he is. It is highly unlikely that he takes joy in hurting you or doing anything to disappoint you. Get rid of those assumptions, as they will only hurt you and your child.

Try to Relate

It may be hard, but put yourself in your child’s shoes for a minute. Your child almost certainly knows how you feel about same-sex marriage and same-sex attraction. Yet, no matter how hard he may have tried to fight it, this is simply who he is. He may have tried to deny it or ignore his feelings, but this is probably something he has been experiencing for a while now. To come to you and admit that he is attracted to other males is very brave. Try to remember how much courage it must have taken to admit this to you.

Take Time to Process

Receiving news like this can be quite a shock to the system. Even if this was something you suspected, it can be a surprise to hear those words come out of your child’s mouth. Give yourself time to process. Don’t react on your initial thoughts, because these are likely only negative and will damage the relationship between you and your child. When you receive the news:

• Remind your son how much you love him.
• Tell your child your love is unconditional and nothing he does can change that.
• Ask for some time to process your emotions and thoughts before the conversation continues.

Your child will probably be relieved that you ask for this time. Breaking the news to you was a big deal, so he may need some time to process emotions as well. Taking a break and letting all of the emotions settle a bit before discussing things further can be one of the best things you do in this situation.

Accept It

It may take a while, but all you can do is accept the situation. It’s out of your hands and there’s nothing you can do to change it. Praying, pleading, and begging will not achieve anything. It’s most likely something that’s here to stay. Realizing that and accepting it may be difficult, but it’s important for your relationship with your son.

When your child tells you he’s gay, try not to do anything to isolate him or harm the relationship. Give yourself time to process your emotions, but don’t let your son think you don’t love him. Your love for him should be unconditional, and he likely will need it at this time more than ever.