On June 26, 2015, the United States Supreme Court ruled to legalize same-sex marriage across the country. Since the ruling, thousands of nontraditional couples have come together. If you haven’t already found yourself invited to a same-sex wedding, you may soon. Keep these etiquette tips for attendees in mind when deciding whether to attend a same-sex wedding.

Expect to See Alternative Traditions

In its most traditional sense, a wedding is one man and one woman getting married in front of their friends, family and a religious officiant in a church wedding. While this isn’t always the case for straight couples, it is less often the case for same-sex couples. Many gay and lesbian couples prefer to get married in alternative locations, by their own friends or family members, and without incorporating religion or other religious traditions. Some examples of what you may see at a gay wedding include:

• Alternative attire: Instead of one suit and one wedding dress, you may see two dresses, two tuxedos or something else altogether.
• Alternative wedding marches: Some weddings will not have the traditional bridal march. Sometimes the couple will walk down the aisle together and in some cases, they may not have a wedding march at all.
• Alternative wedding parties: Many nontraditional couples have nontraditional friendships. The wedding party may include a “Best Woman” or “Man of Honor” instead of those who fit into traditional gender roles.

Use Preferred Terminology

Never ask which one is the bride and which is the groom when attending a same-sex wedding. In all likelihood, there could be two brides, two grooms or neither. Instead, take cues from the couple. If you never hear the words “bride” and “groom” used by them, don’t use them yourself. Aren’t sure which pronouns someone at the wedding prefers, simply use their name. If you don’t know their name, stick to the gender-neutral “they.” This respect should carry past the wedding as well. If there isn’t a traditional bride and groom, there won’t likely be a traditional husband and wife in the relationship either.

Find Appropriate Cards to Give

When choosing a card for the couple, find one that respects their gender pronouns and roles in the marriage. You aren’t likely to find an inclusive card in a department store, so start this task early. Online shops such as Etsy are more likely to have what you’re looking for. If you are feeling extra creative and have the money, you could hire someone to design a one-of-a-kind card for the couple.

Don’t Ask About Future Children

When attending any wedding—but especially a same-sex ceremony—don’t ask when the couple plans to have children. They may not be planning to have children at all. Even if they do want children, same-sex partners have a unique set of obstacles to conquer first, many of which can be costly, time-consuming and sometimes end in disappointment. Overall, just remember that their plans are not your business.

Don’t Use the RSVP Card to Explain Your Views

If you aren’t going to attend a same-sex wedding you were invited to because it is against your beliefs, you don’t need to tell the couple why you aren’t attending. It’s rude and unnecessary. Simply reply with a “no” and leave it at that.

Follow the Rules of a Traditional Wedding

A wedding is a wedding, so much of your etiquette should remain the same. RSVP by the date given on the invitation. Wear the proper attire. Be respectful during the ceremony. Don’t get sloppy drunk if there is an open bar. Be a good wedding guest to avoid being a bad memory at an otherwise happy time.

No matter who is getting married, a wedding is a time of love and celebration. If the couple feels you are important enough in their life to invite you, consider it a compliment. Enjoy yourself and enjoy being a part of not only the couple’s history, but of American history. Just make sure you follow the etiquette for same-sex wedding attendees.