The holiday season is a time when family and friends come together to celebrate the end of another year. Naturally, some family dynamics are a bit more strained than others. If you or your partner come from a slightly prejudiced, bigoted, or openly homophobic group, then visiting home for the holidays can be stressful. Despite how awkward or explosive moments can get, you may still feel compelled to spend time with members of your family. To make the experience less of a burden, consider these different strategies for handling a homophobic family at home.

Different Stages

Homophobia can look different depending on how open you are with your family and the stage you are at with your own acceptance. If you are still closeted to bigoted family members, then these individuals might spout negative remarks freely in your presence. While coming out of the closet is a journey each person must take in his or her own time, telling people in your family the truth about yourself may help them understand the harm that their words have caused you. Similarly, someone who has been out for a long while may deal with less direct homophobia.

It is not uncommon for family members to state they are “accepting” of LGBT individuals while still saying hurtful things. Comments like “I have no problem with the gays, but why do they need to get married like us?” can be rooted in extreme ignorance. The trick is knowing which battles to fight and which to let go for the moment. Acting out of anger or frustration may feel good at the time. Ultimately, it won’t be useful in building stronger relationships with your family. 

Distant Family Members

These days, parents are a bit more accepting of the paths their children walk. While there are plenty of moms and dads who forego their own blood out of the fear homophobia causes, it is more likely your struggles will come from an uncle, aunt, grandparent, or relative not directly connected to your immediate family. This can be a bit easier to manage, thankfully. If you’re visiting your parents for Christmas, simply ask in advance that certain relatives not be invited. It may make things uncomfortable for some, but your family will understand why you don’t want your holiday ruined. 

Your Partner’s Family

Dealing with your own family drama is one thing. Handling the homophobic family in your significant other’s clan, on the other hand, can be a nightmare. Your partner might be more willing to enter tense or abusive settings than you are. This means that you need to have an open conversation that doesn’t involve trashing his or her family. At the end of the day, you need to put your own feelings on the back burner and be there to provide support. You can always discuss your thoughts on the matter when you depart for home.

A Healthy Alternative

Sometimes, removing yourself from a situation entirely is the best solution to a problem. If you constantly subject yourself to the negative or hateful comments of relatives around the holidays, you are showing that you will allow or accept it on some level. Create your own traditions with your partner, friends, or people in your community. Forging bonds with people you love and building rituals with them is the best way to create the loving and supportive energy a family is supposed to have.

The holiday season is meant to be a time of goodwill, cheer, and joy. Since homophobia isn’t going to lend itself to the enjoyable experience most people long for, it is best to find a solution. Do what is best for you and adopt the healthiest possible mindset for the year’s end.